Wednesday, October 29, 2008

sticks and stones

I learned a lesson this week- one that was long in the making. Like many recent college grads, I tumbled headlong into my first real job and the lines between work and personal life rapidly blurred, obscured by workplace camaraderie, too many hours spent in the office, a hectic travel schedule, and plenty of wine-infused dinners. This perspective is reinforced by a culture that values hard work above all else, and often frowns upon any encroachment of personal life.

Furthermore, I happen to work for a company that consistently reminds us that we are a "family," and that we should support each other, work as a united team, and all the mushy-feel good stuff you believe when you're 22 and your brain is still intoxicated with youthful idealism.

If this is starting to sound cynical, that's because it is, to some degree. Because, to quote an old adage (as ancient as last week’s episode of The Office), “The office is not a family….it’s a workplace.” Despite all the soul-warming lip service we give to being a team united in one mission, at the end of the day, it is still a workplace. Now, I don’t want to totally disparage my organization, because the majority of employees do strongly believe in our mission of providing compassionate patient care. Still, there isn’t going to be anyone there to hold your hand or wipe your face when you mess up, and the prodigal son won’t be welcomed with banners and stuffed pigs (thank God-how gross!).

In fact, at times, it more resembles a high school, albeit one with an extraordinary number of students with potbellies and receding hairlines. I’m not sure why I’m surprised by this, but I still am. I spent the vast majority of my years growing up longing to get out of a small town of small minds, rife with petty chatter and vindictive rumor-spreading. In the city, I thought, surely people would be more open-minded, and would have better things to do than chatter mindlessly and mendaciously about everyone around them. But I quickly realized college, a place where liberal minds and free spirits supposedly run free, was much the same. It’s human nature, and it’s not limited to a small town or school: people gossip. In fact, we’re biologically predisposed to it: http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=the-science-of-gossip

And I’m no exception. While I don’t think I’ve ever been malicious, I’m sure my gregariousness and facetious tendencies have had me working that same regrettable rumor mill more than once. I’m just pissed because I got bitten by the rumor bug the other day. Something I said, offhandedly and in my mind, innocuously, somehow got passed around the organization like a grown-up game of Telephone. And unfortunately, unlike in kindergarten, the phrase in question wasn’t something along the lines of “Johnny picks his nose” or “Sally has a wedgie,” and after being skewed and inflated several times over, my statement was no longer so innocuous. In fact, the incendiary version could have had serious consequences at work, and the merely dealing with the (untrue!) rumor itself forced me to choose between fighting an uphill battle or compromising my integrity.

So I learned my lesson: Yes, as a workplace, we do work together- most days as a team- to achieve a mission that hopeful does make a positive impact on humankind. However, as I embark upon a career in public health, I can’t make the mistake again of thinking that a non-profit or service-oriented organization, however kind-spirited, will be any different. Like the humans they’re composed of, organizations are flawed. And most certainly are not a family- anything I say can and will be held against me. That doesn't denigrate the goodness of what we try to accomplish, it just means reigning in a little bit and remembering- it's work for a reason.


As for me, since I tend to speak much too freely and too frequently, a good rule of thumb would be to begin to ask myself the question posed in an article I recently read about servant leadership:

“In saying what I have in mind, will I really improve on the silence?"


(notably, my post stops here!)

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