laowai got back

It's been a rainy few days in Kunming. The sky and the city are grey, with only the bright turquoise of the taxis and the rainbow-colored plastic ponchos of the bikers disrupting the monotony. My favorite are thepanchos, usually in a neon pink or yellow, with two holes cut out for the heads dual-riders. Hilarious, cute, and functional- who can go wrong with that?

Today was also my first day teaching English in the kindergarten. The first class, one of the youngest levels (3-year olds), was nothing short of adorable. Amazing how quickly these kids absorb English! I taught them the words for “sick” and “cold,” which they picked up in mere minutes. This was ironic on several levels: one, because each child undergoes a brief (less than 15 second) medical exam before entering the school. I’m not sure how effective this can be, although apparently enough children became ill in one of my classes that I had to drop the whole class from my study, destroying any attempt at randomization.  So much for the scientific method! Second, I had to chuckle as an entire classroom full of three year olds stared at me and chanted “cold! cold! cold!”…let’s put it this way: it wouldn’t be the first (or last) time I’ve been told I’ve been cold. Perhaps I should have taught them the more suitable term, “ice queen,” instead? Or maybe just “Catholic” would be more fitting…so many synonyms, so little time.

The second classroom, consisting of 4-5 year olds, was a bit more…interesting. As the other teacher prepared for the class, one boisterous little boy started hitting me. I have no idea why, but to stop the onslaught I gave him my hand as a high-five. He started hitting that too, and then a mob of screaming boys and girls descended on me. I was a little confused in the blur of arms and legs, but I’m pretty sure one of the little boys was audacious enough to feel me up! I swatted him away only to have my ass grabbed by an even more daring little boy about two seconds later. This little daredevil just looked me in the eyes and laughed as Igently but firmly removed his hands from my rump. Who are these children?! All I can figure is they were getting some kind of major kick out of having a lao shi (teacher) with junk in the trunk. In any case, I had no idea a year ago, when I was quitting my tidy little career in hospital administration that I was heading for what seems to be a lifetime of weighing people’s leftover food…and apparently, getting groped by Chinese pre-schoolers!